Shiny new toys and thoughtful experiences are wonderful. And still, most of us know that what’s in shortest supply - and perhaps the most meaningful gift we can really give - is our full attention.
Maybe it’s a walk or coffee with a friend.
Slowing down to really hear how a colleague is doing.
Or 15 minutes of focused, undistracted time with a kiddo.
Giving our full attention - not getting pulled into emails or texts, or planning whatever comes next - isn’t always easy. There’s a lot to do. And a lot competing for our attention.
And yet, isn’t this what we’re really working so hard for? Connection. Being with the people we love. Feeling met and seen.
But what if you could put a little something extra on top of the attention you’re already offering, by giving a kind of attention that’s in even shorter supply?
One that allows you to show up just as you are. And enables others to feel fully received.
This is a very different way of being with people than most of us are used to. Even our best intentions and our deepest forms of “active listening” can subtly signal that we’re here to react, fix, or hold someone up - rather than simply receive them as they are.
A one-minute experiment in seeing
To make this distinction tangible, here’s a short practice adapted from a trainer I learned from, Carla Kimball.
Using this image of a leaf, try three ways of seeing, about 15 seconds each:
Observe
Try to notice everything you can about the image so you could describe it later.Focus
Choose one small detail: a vein, an edge, a spot of color - and study it closely.Receive
Simply take in the whole image, letting your eyes relax, nothing to do or achieve.
What do you notice about these three ways of seeing?
In my trainings, participants often say the first two feel like a lot of work. The second can feel sharp; similar to intense eye contact. The third often feels different: less like analyzing and more like meeting what’s there. Experiencing what’s in front of you.
Now imagine bringing this same way of seeing to a client, colleague, family member, or friend. What changes when someone feels fully received, without any agenda?
Why this matters for speaking, too
In Connected Speaking groups, this is the kind of attention and presence we practice giving and receiving. And here’s the paradox: even when you’re the one doing the speaking, how you receive others sets the tone.
It doesn’t just help them feel met, it often makes your own speaking clearer and more grounded too. When you’re not managing or performing, you’re freer to speak from presence rather than pressure. And as your listeners or audience feel received by you, they become more open to receive what you have to share.
Practicing together
I’m deeply grateful to everyone who joined a Connected Speaking group this past year. It’s been a gift to witness you tap into your natural voice, speak more freely, and be met with appreciation by others.
To deepen your ease and connection in your communication, I host a monthly, small-group Connected Speaking Hour. Our next one is on January 15 at noon PT, and I’d love to have you there.
If you’re new and curious, I’m happy to connect for a brief 15-minute conversation to share more and welcome you into a practice hour as my guest.
I’m also beginning to gather interest for my second all-women Connected Speaking Cohort in the spring - a five-week experience designed to help you:
navigate speaking anxiety;
build confidence in your authentic voice;
practice balancing presence with content;
and learn a compelling, practical storytelling model you can use at work and in life.
If either feels interesting, I’d love to talk more.
Wishing you many moments of real connection in the weeks ahead.
Warmly,
Liz
ConnectedSpeaking.com
liz@connectedspeaking.com